Hope everyone had a great 4th of July

I have been MIA, so let me catch up quickly. My son came into town which is always a pleasure to spend QT time with him! I also have a lot going on personally that I am trying to work through, but that is not for this post ;)
We went to the 4th of July parade (on the 3rd LOL ) that our town has, which is always nice. The fire trucks however, was a rather annoying this year, and left my tinnitus on overdrive for the remainder of the day. I did continue with all the activity we had planned for this weekend because Josie was very excited about our fun-filled schedule.
After he parade we headed out to Mays Landing for a summer jamboree that friends invited us to at their sister's house. It was a great day back in the woods with music, good food, and good friends. Josie spent all of the day and night in the pool or jumping on the trampoline. I spent all of that time eating the great food LOL. The band was nice, and since my tinnitus was already in overdrive, I sat across the yard and listened from there. Did I mention the food was great? I seriously have the most wonderful friends, and enjoyed spending the day and night with them, and meeting new ones. Everyone set up tents in the woods, but Josie and I went home with our friend's and crashed at their place.
Yesterday we went to both my nephew's combined HS graduation party for swimming and more eating. Then we headed to our dear friend's mother's house for some more fun for Josie swimming and playing with all the kids. It is one of our favorite places to go. Awesome authentic Mexican food, Corona, and the nicest people you will ever meet. You are always made to feel like family there. We are actually heading back there today for some barbecue!
I adore my new doctor! He has found a medication that allows me to get 4-5 hours of undisturbed real sleep until the tinnitus wakes me again. He is also helping me with the anger, sadness and frustration I have that I have not had a moment of silence since July 16, 2009. The times when I am idle are the times it hits me the most, because it is during those times that I try to read a book (used to be able to read a book in 2 days), and realize that it takes me forever to read a chapter or two because I can't concentrate or really focus on what I am reading because of the damn noise. My photography has become harder too. I still *take* pictures, it is a passion after all, but editing them becomes a frustrating CHORE because of the focus and concentration issues. I become overwhelmed a lot because I used to take photos, upload and edit immediately, and now I take pictures but the uploading and editing has become such a frustrating and emotionally depleting thing that when I do decide to upload the pics I have hundred's (and at one time 1337 photos) to upload at once and that just brings me back to the anger and frustration  tinnitus has unleashed on me.
I hate when I have my own pity parties, because I have never considered myself a victim mentality type of person, but at times tinnitus breaks me more mentally, emotionally and physically and those days really piss me off, and leaves me feeling like a weak person. I continue on my quest to learn about my condition in hopes to one day have the coping skills to live with this condition without IT dictating my life and the person I have become which some days I don't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror.

FINALLY!

Sorry I haven't blogged lately, but I have been in a bit of a funk. There is a lot going on right now with my personal life and I have just been having a pity party. The bright side came today when I saw the new psychiatrist. As you know, worker's comp made me switch Dr's after almost 8 months of seeing the one they chose for me. I was a bit apprehensive today, wondering if this was going to be a big waste of time, and if he would "get" me and my tinnitus.
The office itself was beautiful and very welcoming. The receptionist was very nice and offered me soda, water etc. Finally, I was greeted by Dr P, who was very warm, and just seemed like a nice guy. My guard was still up some as we sat down to talk. Of course talking about the accident and my tinnitus involves tears and sobbing, but he was patient. We discussed a lot of things, and he informed me that he was a bit surprised at what workman's comp did with the handeling of switching doctors. He let me know that he does not work for the insurance company, and had no obligations to them only to me.
As we discussed the accident, he was very empathetic, and very thorough on what tests were done on me, what doctors I have seen, and just listened to me and I felt like he "understood" my depression and frustrations.
Then he let's me know that 5 years ago his daughter's boyfriend, the love of her life was struck by lightening and killed on a beach. I know, how AWFUL, BUT the positive was that I finally found someone who understood first hand what lightening can do. Granted it didn't kill ME, but it did kill a part of me, it took parts of my life away. He wasn't telling me to get over it or suck it up, he was saying let's try to figure out how to help you, and if there is something out there that hasn't been tried yet. I swear I wanted to hug that man!
It's hard to explain, but most of the time I feel like the doctors are just going through the motion of seeing me, with no expectation of doing more then that. While I know Dr P is not going to cure me, I feel like he is the most able to kind of understand me, and seems willing to help me search for answers, treatments, or at the very least coping skills.
I am emotionally drained, but hopeful, and looking forward to seeing him again on the 21st.

Another year has passed

So my birthday came and went and I celebrated by hanging out in my bathroom! Yep, sick as a dog. On a positive note I was so sick and dehydrated that I slept! Of course it was that sick sleep where your not really sleeping because your running to the bathroom for one reason or another, but it was sleep none the less.
I had a busy weekend celebrating Memorial Day, and was actually having a good time, until my cousin thought it would be funny to set a VERY loud firecracker off 5 ft from where I was sitting. The PAIN in my ear was horrendous, and the tinnitus spiked about 50 X's louder then it's original annoyance I immediately had to leave.It lasted until late Sunday afternoon, at which time I attended another party that had the BEST authentic Mexican food. I adore Mexican food, and Ricardo and Jessica did not disappoint.
Monday I started getting that sick feeling, and I thought it was the shots of Captain Morgan I took, hey I'll try anything to rid myself of tinnitus for just a short time, and for the record it didn't work. By Monday afternoon I was really NOT feeling well, and I started getting sick Monday night and that lasted all day and night Tuesday.
Today I felt 90% better, so I headed to the hospital to see my BFF since 4th grade Joey. He has a really bad case of staph in his face, poor thing. They lanced it and he will need a few more days (already in there 3 days) of IV antibiotics. On my way home from the hospital I stopped at Ross and treated myself to 3 summer dresses.
Summer dresses are my new love! I NEVER wore them before and man I wish I had! First they hide the little body flaws that start creeping up on you when you pass 40, and second they are so damn comfy and cool! I got 3 dresses, 2 are to rock my new shoes! AH MY SHOES!!!!!!!!! They are HOT, they are also high as all get out and I may break my neck, but I'll look damn good breaking it :)  I will post pics of these shoes when I remember to charge my camera.
On the way home from Ross, and on my way grocery shopping I called my other BFF since fourth grade Krissy. I swear her and I can go months of not talking (just from busy daily life, that woman is always on the run!) but as soon as we talk again we regress to teenage gossipers and we LAUGH! I'm talking laugh until you cry laugh. I am making it my mission to get to her house for a visit very soon! I miss her!
So that was my day. There is actually a little more that went on today, but I'll share that maybe tomorrow. I will probably have my Toddlers and Tiaras rant tomorrow too, so get ready :)

Happy Memorial Day

Let's remember to thank our vets and soldiers for their duties they do, regardless of the hardship. Let's also remember that many of these soldiers are coming back with tinnitus. So many soldiers come home with that horrendous ringing, crackeling, buzzing, from shooting without adequate ear protection. So let's not only thank a soldier, let's push for not only ourselves but for these soldiers to get closer to a cure for tinnitus!

I should be doing ebay

I took pictures today, uploaded them, intending to put my listings on, but I have only put 1 listing on. My tinnitus is really bad today, so much so that I can't focus enough to sit and put my listings on. You would think the incentive of money would be enough, especially when we need it so bad. Tinnitus has won today, yet again. Sometimes I get so tired of this damn noise, I seriously want to stab something into my ear.
I will be one (I think) asking for medical marijuana. It may not fix the insomnia or tinnitus, actually it worsens the tinnitus, but it cetainly makes me not give a flip about it for a short time.
I might even try to see Sex And The City sometime this week with a little assistance ;)  I know there is no way I will do it without, because the volume of the theatre and the surround sound really irritates the ear, BUT if I don't "care" about the tinnitus for a short while I may actually enjoy it. I love SATC, I love the clothes, the shoes, the characters and yes even the eye candy of Mr. Big and Aiden.
I have a lot planned this weekend, and hope I feel like doing it all. Sometimes I cancel out because of headache, or just feeling like shit from the tinnitus keeping me up.
I hope everyone has a safe and fun weekend. Please say a prayer for my step son fighting over in Afghanistan.

*sigh*

Bad night last night with tinnitus and NO SLEEP! I also had a regular Dr appointment today to go over my lab work from last week, and apparently I am falling apart. I will now be on cholesterol meds (2) and thyroid meds for the rest of my life. My lab work was so crazy it was almost funny....ALMOST. I have to schedule a thyroid US, carotid US and 2D echo and I guess invest in a daily pill organizer ;)  My eye is really bad today, and Fran lovingly calls me his cockeyed bitch LOL. This is all said in humor, so don't comment about him being mean, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. I often wonders how he can put up with me since the accident, because most of the time I'm so miserable I can't even stand to be around myself. So that is my day so far and it's only 11:30 AM. I am left to wonder, and probably should have asked the doc if my thyroid could have somehow been caused by the electrical shock I received since I haven't had issues before. I know the cholesterol and triglycerides aren't because they have been high as long as I can remember, they are just so high now that I can no longer ignore it and wish it away.

Do you swag?

I LOVE swagbucks, it's almost an obsession. So here is the deal for those that don't know. You use swagbucks to search random stuff and usually about 3 times a day you get rewarded with swag bucks. You also get them for daily polls, special offers, and referrals. The best part is it is FREE, yes FREE!! I have been doing it for probably 5 weeks or less and have already gotten $50 in amazon $5 gift cards, $5 cokkieskids GC, and $5 Redenvelope GC. I store my amazon GC in my amazon account and am saving them for when I see something I MUST have. Plus come Christmas time they run CRAZY deals (which I will post!). My little widget for swagging is to the right on my blog. Let me talk about referrals. When people sign up under you you get the same points your referral does until they hit 1,000 bucks and then you no longer get the points. I have 2 really awesome referrals who are about to max out, and more that are just getting into the searches. This is my link if anyone is interested. If you sign up, promote your referral on FB, Myspace, your own blog and get your friends swagging! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and did I mention IT IS FREE! Happy swagging! Plus it gives me something to do on my many sleepless nights!
http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/donna6167