This is me :)

This is me :)

Monday, July 5, 2010

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July

I have been MIA, so let me catch up quickly. My son came into town which is always a pleasure to spend QT time with him! I also have a lot going on personally that I am trying to work through, but that is not for this post ;)
We went to the 4th of July parade (on the 3rd LOL ) that our town has, which is always nice. The fire trucks however, was a rather annoying this year, and left my tinnitus on overdrive for the remainder of the day. I did continue with all the activity we had planned for this weekend because Josie was very excited about our fun-filled schedule.
After he parade we headed out to Mays Landing for a summer jamboree that friends invited us to at their sister's house. It was a great day back in the woods with music, good food, and good friends. Josie spent all of the day and night in the pool or jumping on the trampoline. I spent all of that time eating the great food LOL. The band was nice, and since my tinnitus was already in overdrive, I sat across the yard and listened from there. Did I mention the food was great? I seriously have the most wonderful friends, and enjoyed spending the day and night with them, and meeting new ones. Everyone set up tents in the woods, but Josie and I went home with our friend's and crashed at their place.
Yesterday we went to both my nephew's combined HS graduation party for swimming and more eating. Then we headed to our dear friend's mother's house for some more fun for Josie swimming and playing with all the kids. It is one of our favorite places to go. Awesome authentic Mexican food, Corona, and the nicest people you will ever meet. You are always made to feel like family there. We are actually heading back there today for some barbecue!
I adore my new doctor! He has found a medication that allows me to get 4-5 hours of undisturbed real sleep until the tinnitus wakes me again. He is also helping me with the anger, sadness and frustration I have that I have not had a moment of silence since July 16, 2009. The times when I am idle are the times it hits me the most, because it is during those times that I try to read a book (used to be able to read a book in 2 days), and realize that it takes me forever to read a chapter or two because I can't concentrate or really focus on what I am reading because of the damn noise. My photography has become harder too. I still *take* pictures, it is a passion after all, but editing them becomes a frustrating CHORE because of the focus and concentration issues. I become overwhelmed a lot because I used to take photos, upload and edit immediately, and now I take pictures but the uploading and editing has become such a frustrating and emotionally depleting thing that when I do decide to upload the pics I have hundred's (and at one time 1337 photos) to upload at once and that just brings me back to the anger and frustration  tinnitus has unleashed on me.
I hate when I have my own pity parties, because I have never considered myself a victim mentality type of person, but at times tinnitus breaks me more mentally, emotionally and physically and those days really piss me off, and leaves me feeling like a weak person. I continue on my quest to learn about my condition in hopes to one day have the coping skills to live with this condition without IT dictating my life and the person I have become which some days I don't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror.

1 comment:

  1. Are you still around, Donna? It's now 2016 so I'm years late finding your blog but...I so so so get how you are feeling. It's the same for me. My sounds are nerve shredding supersonic high and even painful. How are you doing now??

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